Warning: Vulnerable post ahead, written with love. 🙂
We were done having kids. I had been giving away baby essentials to people who I thought needed them. I gave away the crib, the baby clothes, the maternity clothes, and the stretchy wrap. I wiped my eyes quietly and frequently when my youngest quit nursing. We were saying goodbye to the baby stage.
However, saying goodbye to the baby stage also meant saying hello to a whole new world of possibilities. The kids were old enough that we could all go out together without a stroller or diaper bag. My husband and I could pursue our music business and gigs much more easily. I was starting to feel like my body was my own again.
All dressed up for a friend’s wedding last year.
It hit me this past week- I feel really pregnant.
Slow and waddly. Hills wiping out my energy. Having to pee every 20 minutes. Feeling the baby’s jabs and turns. Less willing to run after my toddler. My days seem longer and the necessities are harder to accomplish.
I recently walked past the garden on the way back from milking to find Japanese beetles enjoying a green bean leaf salad. Eggs lay hidden, attached to the undersides of plants. The tomatoes were growing redder. There was lettuce that needed to be rescued from bolting.
I stopped momentarily to try to plan what the next task should be. But I saw all the chores glaring at me and instead of planning, I turned and walked back to the house. I felt too tired to spend time thinking about it. (Avoidance is a favorite tactic of mine.)
I’m hitting that stage of pregnancy when everything starts slowing down. While I’m feeling well overall, my body’s natural limitations are still an unwelcome reminder to me that I am not superwoman. I cannot keep up on everything right until I give birth. (And it’s unlikely that I’ll get right back to it, either.)
I gave up on the last two weeks of a cleaning challenge I was working on with friends. My daily to-do lists are growing shorter, and beginning to include things like, “spend time with the kids” and “read your book tonight” and “eat a piece of chocolate, go ahead.” (Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little.) But I am definitely choosing to do less, because I simply can’t get everything done otherwise.
I am glad for a husband who’s got patience and strength for when I’m in a slow season. He knows just the right balance between allowing me the extra rest I desire and encouraging me to keep the pace. He’s both my assurance and my motivation. (Sorry ladies, I’m keeping him.)
Is it good to be lazy? No. But is it good to recognize when it’s time to slow down and accept a necessary change of pace? Yes.
My body is preparing to birth. I am about to be sleepless for many weeks. My children need my time and heart as we go through the coming changes. I cannot keep up on every organization project, regular singing rehearsal, cooking endeavor, and extensive outing. It’s time to focus in on home and family, and let all the busyness and ambition pass me by.
I’m choosing to quiet myself a bit. It’s time to accept the slower pace and nest a bit.
Little one, we are ready for you when you are ready for us.